"I cant read you like a book."

It was recently pointed out to me that my face seems to give my feelings away, quite a lot. Possibly quite a lot more than what I would really like.

I had never really thought about it before; I just assumed that I was just as readable or unreadable as any other person; not one or the other, just normal. (but then again, what about me is normal? Hmmpphh.) I suppose I never really paid attention to what my face looked like. I think this is my problem. Because I never noticed, I never realised that almost exactly what I was thinking was just plastered across my face. I may as well have written it across my forehead.

Now there are positives in this and also negatives.

The positives are for other people. They are able to tell almost exactly what I'm thinking when they look at my face; most of them can tell when they’re annoying me and will stop or whatever. They are able to tell whether I'm telling the truth or not, what I really think about them, what I really want; just about pretty much anything.

Now, this is quite unfortunate for me. It means I can never hide anything because my stupid face will just give me straight away. It means that I will be unintentionally mean to people because they can see that I really think that they are not quite as pretty as I'm saying they are, or whatever. It means that because people can pretty much read my thoughts, they will see what a.. [hmmm I need the right word here..] horrible person I am? Well no, maybe not horrible, but certainly not as nice as I would like to be or appear. I might seem fake to them? I don’t want to seem fake. I try so hard not to be fake; I want to be myself; I like individualism and seeing as everyone else is trying so hard to be individual-the-same I want to be individual and be individual-not-the-same. If everyone is choosing one thing, I will go for the other, even if I don’t like it as much, because I want to be different. I hate following the crowd. I hate doing things the same way every time; I hate having the same thing as everyone else because that just makes me unimportant in a way. I will always, always go for the different option than everyone else because thats just the way I am.

Oh, and having my face so readable? It means that I can’t lie. It means that everyone knows my secrets and I don’t have anything to keep for myself. Everyone picks apart my secrets because they know them and then they become so distorted that they aren’t what they originally were. Only they’re still part of me because they are my secrets after all, so they change me. Make me something that I don’t want to be. Make me like everyone else.

So what I'm really trying to say?
Stop asking me about the B Factor. You get my hopes up and then convince me to do stupid things that I would never do if you hadn’t talked to me about it. Do you have any idea how many people in one day come up to me and ask me that one question? “Hows the B Factor?” I'm sure that the entire grade knows (not for the first time) about my life and all aspects of it. Would you guess that I'm actually quite a private person? Nope, because everybody has made what I'm not, and I'm not and don’t want to be a loud person. But I am.

Only there’s no point in posting this because only the people who this doesn’t apply to, who I want to tell my secrets to, they are the only ones who read this.
So there’s no point in posting this.