I never knew what was going to happen.
I never knew that what made me so happy could make you so angry.
I never knew that I would cry all of my tears and eventually have none left to cry.
I never knew that there was a different type of pain.
I never knew that it could hurt so much more.
I never knew that I could ever hate you.
I never knew that I could love you so much.
I never knew that loving a person could make them hurt you even more.
I never knew that you had so much jealousy in you.
I never knew that I would cry myself to sleep every night.
I never knew that I could be so angry.
I never knew that I could be so hurt.
I never knew that I could hate coming to school so much, because I knew that you would be there.
I never knew that something so unimportant could screw everything up.
I never knew that I could feel like I was breaking apart.
I never knew how much I trusted you.
I never knew how much love overlooks every flaw.
I never knew that you could come crawling back.
I never knew that I could ever be so confused and hurt.
I never knew that a person who I knew for four weeks and live on the other side of the country could be one of my greatest sources of comfort.
I never knew that I would just sit back and let you destroy me.
I never knew that I could always feel so close to breaking down in tears.
I never knew that this would affect my whole senior schooling.
I never knew that, in a room full of people, I could feel so lonely.
I never knew that I could actually doubt whether you loved me, even when you said you did.
I never knew that simple things can be the ones that hurt the most.
I never knew that I would ever even consider moving schools.
I never knew that I would understand why people commit suicide.
I never knew that I would understand how people cut themselves.
I never knew that the unsaid things were the most important.
I never knew that I would keep it inside of me, tearing me apart, almost until it got unbearable.
I never knew that I could feel so vulnerable.
I never knew that you could make me feel this way.
I never knew that you could hurt someone so much.
I never knew the other side of you.
I never knew that I would think some things about you.
I never knew that I would ever bitch about you.
I never knew that I would feel guilty for what you had done to me.
I never knew that I would feel guilty for being happy.
I never knew the cost of what I asked for was.
I never knew that I would ever doubt you.
I never knew that I would shy away from your friendship.
I never knew that I would feel guilty for doing so.
I never knew that my home could be such a safe haven from you.
I never knew that every time I started to heal, I would be torn apart again and again.
I never knew that I would be so stressed.
I never knew that school would be so hard.
I never knew that you could make it so hard, just by being there.
I never knew how much I would want to please you.
I never knew how much I would hate myself for doing so.
I never knew that a “joke” could actually be the truth.
I never knew that you would think of me in that way.
I never knew how much it would hurt for you to do so.
I never knew that the other type of healing took so long.
I never knew that you can never be completely healed for some things.
I never knew that I would sit for hours on my roof in the freezing cold, praying for you to have what you wanted, just so that it would be okay between us.
I never knew that I would be so desperate for something but so helpless to achieve it.
I never knew that I would feel so guilty, so angry at myself for what you were doing to me.
I never knew that I would blame your actions on me.
I never knew that I could feel so helpless.
I never knew how much jealousy is a part of my life.
I never knew how much jealousy would shape my life.
I never knew that I could ever feel so indecisive.
I never knew that I would feel like shaking you, hurting you so much to make you wake up and see how you were hurting me.
I never knew that you could be so blind to see that you were hurting me.
I never knew that I would blame this on myself.
I never knew that I would try and pretend that this was nothing.
I never knew that I would tell myself that it could be worse.
I never knew that I would hear someone, many people, call you a bully.
I never knew how bad it had really got, until it had gone.
I never knew how much it had affected me, until it had gone.
I never knew how much I was stressed, until it had gone.
I never knew that I was failing because of you, until it had gone.
I never knew how unhappy I really was, until it had gone.
I never knew that I was depressed, until it had gone.
I never knew how good life was, until it had gone.
I never knew that when things got better, they really do get better.
I never knew how hard this would be to write.
I never knew that I would ever have to write it.
I never knew that I could still love you so much, even after all that has happened.
I love you and I always will. Just allow me time to heal first.
Thank-you with all my heart, and I’m sorry.
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