This Year's Christmas

Once again I’m off again, off to Mount Beauty this time.

I’m telling you, I really don’t like Brisbane very much, based on the amount of time I’m spending here these holidays! I’m only actually here three weeks out of the eight I have for holidays.

Anyway, this year I am a bit apprehensive going to Mount Beauty. This time it’s just us, just our family. Last time the Harlands’ came down after a few days to spend the rest of the time with us. And even though we will have all of our Victoria friends it still might be a awkward.. For me anyway.

I haven’t talked to Ruairidh in months, mainly because after a while he just stopped talking to me. What the hell am I supposed to do when I see him? “Hey, how are you, haven’t spoken to you in months, why did you stop talking to me?”? Not exactly the best conversation starter. I’m worried that its going to be a case of I ignore him, he ignores me, we’re all happy, kind of thing. How fricken awkward is that going to be living with him in the same campground for three weeks?!

And as for Josh, well, I’m worried that he’s going to expect things of me that I really don’t want to give. And I know that if it comes down to it, it’s going to end up that we stop talking rather than me giving him what he wants. I’m actually a bit pissed off at him right now, him and his stupid horny little penis. I mean, for god’s sake, can he not think of something other than that for five fricken minutes?! We used to be really good friends.. and I hope we still will be really good friends because I also have to live with him for three weeks as well.

And for the rest of them, well they’ve all been friends for years. They go there every year and hang out all together. I can’t help but feel that I’m intruding on their friendship, just another outsider who doesn’t belong. I really don’t want to just end up having only Libby to hang out with.

It just doesn’t feel right this Christmas. It doesn’t feel like Christmas, it hardly feels like the summer holidays, and for once I’m not super excited about going away for a long time. I hope that I’m just worrying too much and that it will all turn out fine. I really hope that it does.

But it’s ok, of course I’m going to live through it. And I’ll emerge on the other side, unscathed, with two weeks still left of the holidays, where I can do whatever I want. And then on to year twelve. And I’ll get through that as well, perhaps not totally unscathed, but still certainly very much alive. After all, it is just only one year of my life, not many compared to the other 82 I am expected to live. And I’m sure I will live even longer than that. So it will just be one 83rd of my life, not much in comparison. Even if it doesn’t go according to plan, it still won’t really matter in the big picture.

So I won’t dread it, and I will stop dreading about it, because that is sure to only make it worse.

At least next year I will have my head on straight, my priorities right, and I will know what to expect.

And I will get through, and do well, and I will look back and wonder why I ever worried so much. I may as well enjoy it while I can!

So goodbye once again, you know I will miss you, even though I only saw you yesterday. But three weeks is a long time without you and I’ll be sure to text you whenever I can! I love you more than what is possible :)