Calm, peaceful, relaxed

It’s all ok.
It’s all ok now.

I can see he’s not the one for me.
Going through this has made me strong enough to see that.
It’s not that he’s not good enough for me.
Rather the opposite.
I think he’s too good for me, too perfect, too easy.
I don’t deserve that.

So he belongs now to someone else.
Or he will soon.
And if he doesn’t,
Well then maybe by then, hopefully, I will have changed and I will deserve him.
Hopefully.

It doesn’t hurt me to let go.
Because I’m not letting go, not completely.
He will always be special.
I’m not moving on.
Rather, I’m moving forward, instead of looking back.

I’ll focus on other things now as well.
It’s like I’m taking my blinkers off.
I can still see what’s in front of me.
It’s just that I can now see what’s left and right as well.

I’ll realise my grip, because I think I was beginning to strangle him.
Not, totally.
But enough so all I’m now doing is touching him, rather than smothering him.

I will still try to win him,
Try to make him mine,
But if it doesn’t work,
if I fail,
I will see past it, I wont let it get to me.
I will get back up again, I wont let myself feel miserable about it, like I have done.

There will be others.
Always, there will be others.
There may even be others out there right now, just waiting, like I have been for him.
It’s finding them that is the hard part.

Thank-you, though, to him, for this.
It’s made me stronger, once again.
I’m beginning to think that soon I’ll be unbreakable.

I will always be here for you.
If you ever need anything.
My friend.