True epiphanies of the last few days

I’ve realised that a piece of paper will decide my life. A piece of fucking paper.
That small white thing, so easily broken, will either break me, or fill me with such happiness.. I don’t like that something so small and flimsy will be the most important thing of my life yet.

I’ve realised that in reality, I don’t care about me. Like I said, it doesn’t bother me if no one thinks about me, not even myself. Most of the time anyway. I want to think about others all the time; really I don’t want anyone to think about me. That would be a waste of time wouldn’t it? I don’t think this is something that anyone can understand.. but it’s how I want the world to be: that no one worries about me, not even myself. I don’t want to be a burden, not to anyone.

I’ve realised that I will always be myself. I will always be the same person with the same liver and the same belly button and the same voice box and the same nose. And that same me will shower in different showers and sleep in different beds and eat in different places. But no matter what changes around me, I will always be the same. My whole life I have been expecting change to happen, to myself. But I think I’ve reached that point where I wont be changing anymore. That same face will still look out from the mirror, everyday. Sure, things may change inside me and little things will change my appearance but I will still be the same collection of particles that I was right in the beginning, the same particles that I was two months ago, the same particles that I am right now. And I can feel some security in that fact. That no matter what changes, there is always something that doesn’t change. And that thought, it’s my safe haven.

I’ve realised that murderers can be forgiven. Everyone can be forgiven and I will forgive everyone. I knew this already but still, it had to be stated.

I’ve realised that there are so many things that don’t matter. It’s so easy to be tricked into thinking that they do matter.. but they don’t. The hard part is reminding yourself that they don’t.

I’ve realised that even though we all say that the world is changing.. it really isn’t. The essence of it is still exactly the same. They all say that kids are so much more into drugs than what they were; that people are more self-obessesed than what they used to be; that the world is a much more horrible place than what it was. In reality, it’s all still the same. Kids are just as much fucked up as what they have always been. A person’s image is still just as important to a 13th century woman as it is to a 21st century woman. The world has always been both good and bad. Humans are creatures of habit, and they enjoy the homey comfort of things staying the same. And things have stayed the same, generally speaking. And I don’t think that pattern is going to change.