Nightmares

In the dream,
we were being our usual selves. Being silly, dancing, singing, not caring.

But then it changed.
The wind and rain came so suddenly we couldn’t get to safety. It just picked us right up and swept us away. Somehow I managed to keep myself from hitting anything. It was like I had control over where I was flying. When the wind finally stopped I hit the ground but got up fine and it was all ok.

Then they came to me.
‘Steph, you have to come,’ they said.
‘Steph, a decision has to be made,’ they said.
A decision about what? I wondered as I followed them inside but then I realised before I got there that I already knew.

I already knew but I didn’t want to see.
I didn’t want to see what I knew I was going to see and yet I knew I couldn’t avoid it.

There were people, our friends, crowding around, some of them crying, others just shocked. I forced myself to look past them.

And there you were. Lying on the ground, broken into a million pieces. Your legs were bent at odd angles and your bones were coming through the skin of your arms. The blood was running down your face and you were sprawled, unable to move.

I came closer to you and you looked up at me. Just looked at me. Your eyes weren’t full of the pain or terror that I expected. No, they were just calm like you had accepted that you were unable to be fixed.

And that’s when I broke too.


I don’t normally have vivid dreams. But this one was vivid. Too vivid.
I am just hoping it doesn’t reflect real life.

Know that I love you.
And I would never give you up for anything.
I would never accept that you couldn’t be fixed.