I don’t like it here. It’s too confined; there’s nothing to do; I’m just stuck in one place.
It’s funny that when I leave Mount Beauty, a town with a population of 2,300, and come home to Brisbane, a city with a population of about 2 million, I feel far less at home. I feel confined; I feel like I can’t breathe properly. How is it that everyday there was something to do? And yet here in this place far, far larger, I have nothing to do?
Here it is too squishy. I feel like a sardine confined to only the inside of the tin it’s in, and even then I can’t move as a result of the other sardines squishing me from every side. I hate not being able to see the sky because there is constantly a roof over my head and walls confining my every movement. I do not belong here, in this dirty, polluted, small world where you are so close to your neighbour and yet you don’t know them from a bar of soap. This life isn’t right for me; I need a bigger, more open space where I can breathe more openly. This heat gets to my head and makes it foggy, slows me down, stops me thinking. I belong somewhere colder, somewhere greener. Sometimes I feel like a rainforest bird trapped in the desert.
I have never been able to see myself staying in Brisbane my whole life. Even when I was little. And how could I? With a mother that came from England, and before that, Hong Kong, and a father who had travelled all over the world, after them how could I possibly stay in Brisbane? I want to be the foreigner who has to learn all the know-all’s of a place because they did not grow up there. I want to be on my own without the security of knowing where everything is because you have been there your whole life. I want to be away from all of the ones who I love and be independent. Be my own without having to worry about anyone else. No, I know that I will not live my entire life in Brisbane. I am not suited to this place and this place isn’t suited to me.
Perhaps it will be difficult to leave,
But it will be even more difficult to stay.
If I don’t end up in Queenstown, then I know for certain that in the end I will call Melbourne home.
Main Entry: agree
ReplyDeletePart of Speech: verb
Definition: be in unison, assent with another
Synonyms: accede, acknowledge, acquiesce, admit, allow, be of the same mind, bury the hatchet, buy into, check, clinch the deal, come to terms, comply, concede, concur, consent, cut a deal, engage, give blessing, give carte blanche, give green light, give the go-ahead, go along with, grant, make a deal, okay, pass on, permit, play ball, recognize, see eye to eye, set, settle, shake on, side with, sign*, subscribe, take one up on, yes*
oh molly,
ReplyDeletehow i love you!
would you like to join me then?